I will never forget my first experience with psychedelics. I must preface this by saying I do not condone anyone taking any illegal substances. Especially substances that you are not educated in. Set and setting is something you will hear a lot in the psychedelic community and is something that should be taken extremely seriously. Know what you are taking, what it does, and make sure you have taken the necessary steps to prepare yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Mushrooms put you in your place, and show you who and what you are in the universe. Who you think you are is an illusion your ego has created in your own head. The version of yourself that you believe you are, is just as accurate as the version of you that someone else has made up in their mind. Everyone of us wears a mask of this character that we truly believe we are. When you are with your family, you wear a different mask (version of your personality) than you do with your boss, and that is a different mask than the one you wear around a stranger, and so on. But the thoughts and ideas that you associate your own self with, are nothing more than that. They are thoughts that you can observe, just like you observe external stimuli and they are not YOU. But as humans we will defend these masks to the death because we have mistaken them as being us. We are the watcher behind the thoughts, not the thoughts themselves.
I am not sure the exact amount that I ate (which I later learned was vital to taking these substances) but I remember laughing and having a great time, thinking everything was hilarious. But then.. I started to feel strange. Then panic started to creep in. Did I eat something poisonous? My inner self defenses were under attack and this is a feeling I will never forget for as long as I live. I thought that I was actually dying. I could feel my entire body very clearly, that ache in my back was roaring now, almost like my body was telling me that this pain is here and I should take care of it and not ignore it like I usually would. My perception was flooded with anxiety. I feared I might never see my family again. I started to fight these feelings, telling myself I was still in control. But as any experienced tripper will tell you, that is the last thing you want to do. You took a drug, and its in your system, fighting it will not make it go away, it will only frighten you more. I went to lay down in my bedroom where I felt safe and the most comfortable. I lied there and practiced some deep breathes and told myself to let go of what I am fearing to find, and thats when the trip really started.
Every thought was taking center stage in my mind. As humans we have a tendency to push many thoughts back as they come up. Like a filter within our consciousness deciding which thoughts to give attention to, and which thoughts to push aside. (I assume this is an evolutionary trait in order to keep us focused on staying alive.) My consciousness was no longer bound by time. Time is not real, and there is no past, and there is no future. It is all right now. We are the big bang and it is still happening. We tend to think of time as linear, (again - I can only assume for evolutionary purposes) but I was pulled away from time. For the first time in my entire existence, I was present. I was not looking toward the future (where anxiety is born) and I was not thinking of the past (where depression stems from). I was completely present in the strongest sense of the word. It's as if I was seeing everything for the very first time and admiring the sheer beauty of it. Things I would normally take for granted and not give a second thought to. It's like I had the eyes of my childhood back.
If any bad thoughts do happen come up while tripping try to change your thought pattern right away. But don't run away from them or try to fight it. Realize that you have some areas of opportunity and then tell yourself "ok Im gonna work on that when I'm sober", and then try to move on to a new thought train. Don't get too caught up in negative thoughts in the trip just like you shouldn't in life. Some will likely come but welcome them with open arms as opportunities to better yourself and tackle them when you're sober and you can handle that emotional dynamite a little easier. If you get caught in a loop of a negative thought you will trap yourself in a mental hell.
Then thats when my stamp on everything I am, my ego was gone. I was no longer Joseph, I was purely human consciousness. Words cannot explain this because language is limiting, but I will do my best. I believe there is a universal consciousness we all tap into. With my mask completely removed, I was able to see myself in every single human. Before they were given a name and were shaped by their childhood and environment, they were simply human consciousness. I am you and you are me. I am currently happening to you right now as you read this. I have broken my thoughts down into little symbols and you are now reading them in your head in your own personal head voice. Everything is looped and happening at once. Every action is only a reaction. We are all the same consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. Almost like we are all the exact same radio model, getting the same human radio signal. But each of us has our own radio DJ, who is running the radio station. I was shown that I lived my life on 1 channel and that was that. But there are UNLIMITED channels if you can learn to control your perception.
I am god. So are you. We are the universe, we are not separate from it. Alan Watts compares us to a wave of the universal ocean. The wave is something the whole ocean is doing, just like we are something the whole universe is doing. There cannot be good without bad, just like there cannot be front without back. The concept of a back is impossible unless there is a front. The universe is unlimited perception, which means there will always be people who tap into a perception we would refer to as "wrong" or "bad", but that is only our perception of what is right or wrong. What is bad or evil to one person, is another persons heaven. It will always be this way. There are no accidents, what is an accident to the fly (getting caught in a spiders web) is a job well done by the spider.
I was experiencing what I can only refer to as different dimensions of the same universe. Heaven and hell are mental perceptions in this life.
Perception is Reality
I like to refer to this as the Perception alphabet. Each letter representing a different perception. With "A" being the best possible perception of something. You are nearly brought to tears of pure joy and love at the sight or thought of something. On the other hand, there is "Z", which gives you so much anxiety and fills you with fear you can feel yourself losing control.
How you look at a tree will differ from 1,000 people, different perspectives and thoughts and memories, but the physical elements are the exact same. If someone fell out of a tree and broke an arm, they might lean more towards the Z end of the spectrum and think negatively about it. But if you grew a tree with your mother growing up, it might make you feel happy and love and you will lean toward the A-perception.
Another example, if you are staring at a random room, the A-perception would make you feel very at home. Like that feeling at grandmas house where you have all these great memories and you can feel the vibes of love and you are very comfortable here. But on the other hand, you can see this exact same room and now there is a Z-perception. Imagine knowing that a family member was murdered here, or that in this room there was a lot of violence and suffering. Your mind will get to work (without us even realizing it) in creating a mental make up of this room and decide how it makes you feel being in here. When you can see both ends of the spectrum as far as perception goes (A-Z), seeing the same room with 2 different lenses is powerful. The room never changes. When you can look at these perceptions as a third party observer, going back and fourth through each end of the spectrum, it gives you for the first time the ability to see how you are reacting to said room, and shows you that your ways of thinking literally create your reality. I could see opposite sides of the same mind.
When you see the A and you see Z lenses simultaneously, you realize your consciousness in your everyday life is caught somewhere in between these lenses. And you can literally control it any moment on a dime. I see that I can easily pick which lens I want to have when I am sober. Nothing about your physical reality has changed but the way you perceive something is EVERYTHING. It dictates who you are and how that exact experience happens to you. We are not the watching but the watchers. It is not what happens to us that makes us US, but how we react. For example, if you go to work at a job you don't like and are very tired and had a rough morning, your mind may put you on a W-perception, so you will be annoyed or get upset at something fairly easily, because you are on the negative side of the perception alphabet. But if you just had an awesome date with a girl you like and your favorite song comes on, you might be at a D-perception, and are more on the happier side of the perception alphabet.
I exist in this physical universe, as this universe, but once you take away the made up mental lenses, you see everything just as it is. No emotion attached, it's then that our mind goes to work and puts these illusions up on how you feel about something, putting your ego stamp on it. When it's likely not you that feels that way, that's just a train of thought you know or have followed and confused for your own self.
After this experience, when I start to feel anxiety I almost get excited and I start to welcome it and say "where are you coming from? You're not real." Don't fear anxiety welcome it and then smash it.
I could go on and on forever about my experience, because there are so many areas I still have not touched on yet. Including the visuals and losing myself into a vortex of time spirals, although if you just read those words it will simply not come close to what Im trying to explain. So I think I'll call it a day for now.
Below are the unedited notes I took on my phone during this first trip. There are grammatical errors because I have not edited these since I took them in the middle of my trip. (Taking notes mid trip is nearly impossible)
Show more affection that's all we have with each other
Work: more welcoming actually listen to them and hear them don't just cookie-cutter it
Don't let work control your attitude or emotion
Make your work follow you and obey you don't become a slave to it, perception is reality enjoy it
Time is all made up as far as a clock but we have infinite possibilities in this moment
❤️❤️❤️😍 take from it
Look around at the resources. Don't let the media control how you view it
Love everyone don't discriminate
I can see that this anxiety was created by my imagination, and so am I.
Life is such a boxed idea don't let time and work CONSUME YOU, make them your bitch
Find real meaning in these words don't just read them like its nothing.
It will probably wear off in a while, in a year or so but fine true happiness in the moment
Such an illusion and what a moment really is
Life is a tv station and you get set into 1 channel, but there's unlimited channels
Shrooms good for growing up big moments in life, because it pauses you. Brings you in and makes you appreciate.
It shows you you've been dabbling in what you want to do but when you come back from the trip you're truly an artist of what you want to be because you understand that you need to just enjoy and be you
I'm good at communication and making people feel happy, (don't cookie cutter) love each moment
You really won't understand this later, but time has no meaning.
Your actions are your reality
Being happy is all on you and your idea of what happy is
Life is like a TV station, and sobriety puts you on a Channel and that's all you watch, there are unlimited channels though
I understand death and how the idea of me ,is me is living on, we are not bound by our physical bodies I sometimes say you have a brain and not a body but you don't even have that.
Start writing stuff down like goals if you actually wanna get them done
Real empathy at work real emotion,
No more crap food
Holy shit it's only been 20 minutes all the things we can accomplish and be happier
Time is an illusion,
Life is literally a canvas, and you're the artist
That's why we have all this technology is to leave earth because we screwed this planet
We're playing our own sims game and were real life "avatars", we have masks on and don't know it. We are all playing characters and life is but a stage
We're locked into a channel like a tv but shown there's infinite channels
(Especially depending on perception)
It can be scary while it's happening and that's totally normal. You're gonna get more info then you can handle, don't worry It's as they wear off you tap into some powerful ideas
Reach out to everyone